It is a word I hate to label myself with. I’ve been avoiding it for some time now. Six years and 10 different addresses, 3 universities in 3 different states with 3 different degrees, 4 completely different full time jobs, and an up and down rollercoaster of relationships along the way. I am starting to worry I might have a slight commitment phobia.
In rereading that paragraph, it really sounds worse than (I hope) it is. Let me explain why this matters.
First, I have made recent commitments. I am happily living in College Station, Texas pursuing a degree in a field I love, Agricultural Communications and Journalism, from Texas A&M University. All is set to graduate in December.
My gypsy ways have finally made peace with where I am at and what I am doing… for now. I have found a degree field that lets me be as diverse as I please. I’m (it’s) part journalist, part photographer, part social media expert, part public relations professional, part editor and part graphic designer. So far.
But despite making some big commitments in the past year, I still avoid several other pressing areas.
- Eating healthy/cooking (I hate cooking… and I would eat healthier if it didn’t take so much effort! )
- Working out and getting fit
I’m not going to lie, I know better on both accounts. And at one point in time, the old me would have really had something to say about the new me skipping breakfast, considering chips and dip my lunch and eating soft pretzels with sugar for dinner. Oh yeah…and there was that 8 month span I worked so much and was so broke that I skipped breakfast and ate off the drive thru menu every day for lunch and sometimes dinner. Not something I am particularly proud of.
Did I mention I once considered Dr. Pepper my breakfast? Yes… drinking countless cans of Dr. Pepper each day would be unthinkable to me, just a mere 3 years ago. Ever hear the saying don’t drink your calories? That phrase was my mantra. When did water start tasting so boring?!
Now exercise? Well I often lug extremely heavy purses and bags around with me…. Does that count for anything? How about cross-campus walking, or occasionally running, when I am late for class? That’s about all I do these days.
Yes, old me… very disappointed. There was a time when I watched Fitness TV, read Women’s Health, exercised daily, and took my dog for runs just for fun. Where did that girl go?
I’m beginning to wonder if she was left in Cancun. See, a very motivated healthy version of me booked a vacation to Cancun with a certain boyfriend. She planned it so far in advance that she had plenty of time to focus on being healthy (and tan!). But she never came home. I did.
Luckily, she took a ton of pictures. I see the old me, happily standing in front of the ocean in a bikini. I remember how good I felt then, healthy and full of energy….
Why the switch? To put it simply, I think she got wore out. She got to a point where she could not do everything she wanted so something had to give. And I made the judgment call on sacrificing on health.
So why don’t I simply start again? Well here’s the problem… the commitment. I just cannot seem to make it. Sure I have thought about being healthier. I almost guarantee that a quick glance through my “to-do-book” ( my overachiever version of a to-do-list multiplied by at least 100) would find “start working out”, “take vitamins”, and simply “eat” on there. I just don’t think I have the time and the follow through to really make the commitments.
So those actions go unchecked as new items are added and pages turn. (Ok… eventually I do eat! But is it nutritional? I’m sure I don’t even have to answer that at this point!)
But… that picture from Cancun still hangs on my wall. I tell myself, I’ll look like that again… when I have TIME. (More on that concept in blogs to come.)
Today, I decided to make another step in the process of overcoming my possible commitment issue. With a little encouragement and positive feedback from Terri I hope this photo will motivate me to stick with my plan to work out at DeCore Fitness Studio! I decided to commit to personal training classes with Terri and training with her… and blog about it along the way.
I’m not sure what to expect at the gym, what I will think, feel, say or write. But I’ll say one thing… I am committed!
And this blog is going to hold me to it!